I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
