if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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