ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
sarcasm needs its own font
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just want to make out with him forever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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