last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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