Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize