worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
