im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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