He is an equal opportunity slut.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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