I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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