I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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