you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
