After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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