Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
