I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
