Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
