You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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