I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
