he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
