Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
