Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
