Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
