ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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