Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
