I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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