WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
