I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
