The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
