The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
