Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
