a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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