that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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