And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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