you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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