definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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