I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
