apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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