You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize