I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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