R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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