Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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