ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
