I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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