He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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