I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize