there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
