I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
