She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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