So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
