when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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