Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
