id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize