friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
