So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
