my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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