seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
