I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
