I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
