so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
