the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
