i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
