Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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