Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it's like heaven, but drunker
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
