idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
