my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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