new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
