it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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