i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
