girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
