Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
