I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
