i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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