hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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