I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
