im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
