They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize