FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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